New Normal

Hey Eve,

It has been a while

I think I have been running away from you

But also not really

So lol

Ah ...by the way

I made it to that place, I always spoke about

You know

The place I always said; would be great to get to

The place I hoped I will get to but never really believed I would

It is great by the way

Lol I wish I could say it was all my hard work but to be honest

He did all the heavy lifting

All I did was cry

Nag

Whine

Play

Cry

Dream

Procrastinate

But I feel different

Can't really explain it

I know I am the same girl I was back then

But I also feel different

Going to try and summarize the events of the last few months

I initially started off with the same resolutions

Of changing my life and being a different person

blah blah blah...

But it was somewhat obstructed with the daredevil trip

Where I tried to reinvent myself as a semi-bad B

Lol

Yh, I am going to give up on not trying to be a Bad b

It looks fun

The life looks desirable and I want a piece

Ah... I also had a mental slum

Yh, you guessed it,

From comparison

Anyway,

Letting go of that frustration led me back to Him

Hmm

He actually used the frustration to lead me back to Him

Luckily, Esther was going through the same thing

So we decided to tag-team this bitch

And lol trust me

We were not ready for the ride ahead

I went on a journey of daily tears

Lol

Like every day included a cry siesta

Started digging deep into my life

My why's and how's

What now's and what next

I felt lost some days

But began tasting something heavenly

That I simply had to trade my life for

I not only started knowing me

I also started accepting me

However, me being me

Tried to build walls around this newfound being

I was so amazed at myself that I didn't want to lose her

She was what I had been waiting for all my life

She was the perfect me that I always wished and dreamt of

She was amazing

So I set up guards and gates to make sure she could not escape

Because I wouldn't know what to do if she did

lol

*But what is life without whimsy, right*

The gates slipped open one day

The guards were changing shifts

And a glimpse of the past came in

And lured her out

She tasted the good life

And no longer wanted to be bound

I felt like I lost her

I felt betrayed

Disappointed

And lost

...again

My fears came true

I kept trying to go back to the past to change something

I searched and searched

When I finally found her

She was different

She was tainted

The perfect girl I had only ever dreamed of

Was stained

She was not the same

I questioned my love for her

She had changed

But so have I

But we both had Abba next to us

He loved us both equally

I still don't get it

I thought the point was to get rid of me to make way for her

But maybe he wants us both

Now that I am back

It still feels weird

I don't know if this feels right to you Eve

Adam, what do you think?

This is my new normal

Trying to make sense of it all

I will definitely be hand holding my way through this one

Not sure if I am happy

But I am peaceful

And learning contentment daily

How am I different but still the same

Lol this feels weird

I still want my wants

I still need my needs

I still desire my desires

But I am also okay waiting

So yeah I can't explain it

Just wanted to let you know that

E bi ta wi

La de yi

#staygraced

#begraced